Street Art – A local retrospective 2014

•January 2, 2015 • Leave a Comment

One of the great things I’ve been exposed to by moving to a new locale is the huge amount of really innovative street art.

Yes, there is a degree of wading through a selection of laneways ruined with crap tags, and the possibility of attracting unwelcome attention of the sketchier denizens when walking off the beaten track with a decent camera, but this side of urban exploration is pretty rewarding over the course of a year when you consider the transient nature of street art.

Murals, stencils, wheat pastes and all manner of installations are there to be found all over the city, just try not to be disheartened with the ever pervaisive crap tags!
I know it’s easy to knock 99.9% of tags, although some may argue that many of the established artists started out tagging, in all honesty though, just how many of these teen taggers will ever progress beyond magic marker territorial pissing? My guess is around 0.1%.

Here’s a quick looks back over some favourite pieces from the last 12 months or so; many have been simply buffed over and now feature new art, the huge murals on the side of private houses are still around to be admired.

House paint by Smug - Fitzroy



Awesome colab from Seth Globepainter, Makatron...

Makaton's Footscray station mural


Another fantastic house paint in Collingwood

Not always paint - ceramics in Hosier's Lane

Stencil from xxx in Prahran


Assange stencil/paste-up




















The Fappening – is your smartphone smarter than you are?

•November 4, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Do you even fap bro?

I usually shy away from the cult of celebrity, but throw in the heady combination of 4chan and media moral outrage and it was onto Usenet for a quick look at what all the fuss was about.

Fappening Roll Call

Fappening Roll Call

A quick 500mb download later and what do we have? A load of mostly d-list names I hadn’t heard of apart from Lawrence and Dunst. I gather Kate Upton is something to do with Sports Illustrated and swim suits, but seeing as I’m not American I don’t really give a fuck…

Was it worth 500mb of bandwidth? No.
Was it fap worthy? Not for me.

To save yourself the time and effort in downloading ‘The Fappening’ I’ll sum up what you’re missing:

Lingerie shots that could be from The Chive and explicit stuff that looks like an xtube submission, oh and a few dick pics – but these don’t get mentioned in the media outrage because misandry is somehow acceptable.

Once again we have the enviable combination of ‘Smart Phone-Dumb Person’.
Yes, I know that photostream to icloud is the default setting, but surely there has to be some realization when idly flicking through your phone that maybe, just maybe, that the shiny cloud where all your other photos and videos live isn’t the place for pictures that wouldn’t seem out of place on ‘Frosted Faces’?

It’s great to see celebrity lawyers sabre rattling and threatening prosecution for anyone sharing the images; but as always Google is your friend:


Yes it’s embarrassing, but to see the FBI getting involved? You’d think they’d have more pressing domestic issues to concern them rather than some embarrassed actresses? It’s not as if the Bureau would be getting stuck in if it was you or I with the missing photos is it?

Another valid point when it comes to the involvement of government agencies are the allegations from Edward Snowden that the NSA routinely passed around nudes lifted from Joe and Jane Public’s electronic communications.

Where it starts to become a little unstuck for me is @ScottMendelson from Forbes magazine who started brandishing around the phrase ‘sex crime’ in relation to this hack.

Really? A sex crime? Get a fucking grip man!

A close up cell-phone photo of any of these starlets’ immaculately waxed boxes that happened to be stolen online is not in the same league, or even the same fucking sport as, for instance, the shocking child trafficking in Rotherham or the rapeyness that seems to be popular in India.

To call this phone hack a sex crime is an insult to true victims of sexual assault.

If you seriously think that a leaked 30 second video clip of Upton being fucked is on par with, say AN ACTUAL RAPE, then you seriously need to take a step back from your outraged ‘white knight’ stance, and take a walk to your nearest store and buy yourself a fucking clue, because you clearly don’t understand the gravity of the comparisons you choose to make despite your seemly expert stance on ‘rape culture’.

It was a novel departure when Lawrence herself weighed in on the outrage, a week or so after Sir Lancelot from Forbes stuck his oar into the muddy river of sexual assault.

Surprise surprise. She  reckons the theft is a ‘sexual assault’ now. I’d love to say I’m surprised, but Jennifer; please take a step back and think about what you’re saying, and if you’re too self absorbed to understand what your grown-up words actually imply, then please check with your publicist before you alienate real victims.

Goin’ Underground – Subway Cookies for the home.

•September 28, 2014 • Leave a Comment

The old quest ‘in search of store bought’ rears it’s head once again; now I’ve been trying to nail down a decent chewy cookie recipe for a while with limited success. This beauty I found on (I think) is right on the money.

The recipe claims to be a clone of Subway Cookies and fuck my old boots it’s absolutely legit!
Get stuck in and enjoy…

2 cups (250g) Self raising flour
170g butter, melted
1 cup (185g) brown sugar, firmly packed
½ cup (110g) white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla essence
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 cups dark chocolate chips

1 – Preheat oven to 165c.
2 – Sift flour and set aside.
3 – Cream together melted butter, sugars until well blended.
4 – Beat in vanilla, egg and egg yolk until light and creamy.
5 – Mix in flour until just blended.
6 – Stir in chocolate chips.
7 – Chill dough and roll into balls, aiming for about a 3cm diameter.
7 – Bake for 15 – 17 mins or until cookies edges are lightly toasted.

Cool and enjoy!

Now if you fancy triple choc chip I recommend the following modifications to the above ingredients:

  • 2/3 cup cocoa powder
  • 180g butter
  • 1 cup milk chocolate chips
  • 1 cup white chocolate chips
    Choc Chip and Triple Choc

    Choc Chip and Triple Choc

    If you choose to substitute M&M’s or Smarties for choc-chips I humbly suggest to use the mini versions – I found that full sized sweets caused the cookies to spread a bit too much for my liking.

    What else can you do with this dough? Apart from delicious single cookies, the dough will also lend itself to the Kiwi Subway variant of the the Cookie Pie, or you could use it to make a base layer of a slutty brownie.

    Subway cookie pie

    The Kiwi classic – Subway Cookie Pie

    Slutty Brownie with Oreos and Cookie base layer. Diabetics - hide yourselves!

    Slutty Brownie with Oreos and Cookie base layer.
    Diabetics – hide yourselves!

    Making herbal cookies?
    Well sir, you are a degenerate and I salute you, but I would suggest only 1 cup of chocolate chips.
    Less chips = more dough = more fun!

    As a massive bonus, the dough (herbal or otherwise) can also be frozen; I found the frozen dough took about 20 minutes from a cold starting oven to yield perfect cookies.

  • Adventures in Lo-Fi

    •September 17, 2014 • Leave a Comment

    A thriving local music scene means a few things; inching ever closer to permanent hearing loss, expanded horizons and an empty bank account.

    Many of the smaller venues attract those who can be a touch creative with a Sharpie.
    Street art doesn’t always have to be an awesome mural on the side of a building, but we’re not talking the pervasive crap tags, oh no, here I’m going to focus on those writers who have a message, even if it is a veiny cock…

    hand o dicks

    The truly sublime hand-o-dicks at Bar 303

    Trigonal planar? That's science bitch!

    Trigonal planar at The Curtin.
    That’s science bitch!

    The minimalist approach to stickering for bands.

    The minimalist approach to stickering in the band room at The Curtin.

    Exquisite penmanship once again at The Curtin!

    Exquisite penmanship once again at The Curtin!

    Nice vein work on this flaccid dribbler!

    Nice vein work on this flaccid dribbler!

    What's not to like about the fuck you cat?

    What’s not to like about the fuck you cat?

    The Brunswick Rules

    The Brunswick Rules

    Bitches Love Triangles

    Bitches Love Triangles

    LootCrate – May 2014

    •June 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

    Ah, LootCrate, we meet again. Have you upped your game to meet the ‘three strikes and out’ challenge?

    May's Crate

    May’s Crate

    Legend Of Zelda shirt

    The Zelda Shirt

    The Zelda Shirt

    There’s been a lot of love for this item online, but sadly not from me.
    Having never owned a Nintendo console or indeed played any of the associated franchises, this one’s a bit of a dud.
    However, I did need a cheesecloth substitute for filtering some ‘ahem’ herbal butter and this shirt did the job nicely:

    Ready to strain that herbal butter!

    Ready to strain that herbal butter!

    It'll wash out yeah?

    It’ll wash out yeah?

    Nah, that won't wash out...

    Nah, that won’t wash out…

    I’m sure there’s probably some requirement for me to hand in my gamer credentials at this point, but I’ve always veered towards the more adult titles found on the PC or Xbox; I guess having not played Mario Cart with a group of herbally impaired friends might also damage my stoner credentials as well, but I digress.

    Verdict: Recycled!

    Minecraft hanger.

    Although I’m late to the Minecraft party, this is pretty nifty, and will find a home near my desk.

    Minecraft packaging

    Minecraft packaging

    Minecraft hanger - not bad!

    Minecraft hanger – not bad!

    Verdict: Pretty good!

    Adventure Time.

    I hadn’t heard of Adventure time until now, so I’m going to have to treat this on purely face value.

    The box is quite nice and I’m sure could be upcycled into some kind of storage for small items, but what of the figure?

    After a bit of googling it turns out I’ve got ‘Cake’ who is a ginger and white cat, well that’s a result for me as a huge cat lover, so I guess Cake has avoided a trip to the bin, and will end up on a shelf with other associated feline ephemera in my house.
    Verdict: A surprise keeper!

    Adventure Time box

    Adventure Time box



    The rest of the items however were pretty much nonstarters as they required the Wikipedia to find out what the hell they were.

    Zelda Keyring

    Zelda Keyring

    Hmmm. Won't even be breaking the shrink-wrap on this shite.

    Hmmm. Won’t even be breaking the shrink-wrap on this shite.

    Stickers can go in the recycling?

    Stickers can go in the recycling?

    Verdict: In the bin!

    I did say I’d give Loot Crate three strikes, but seeing as all the hints relating to the next offering points towards Transformers which I loathe, so I’m going to call it a day. The folks at Loot Crate make it easy to resume an account, so I may give it another chance if a tempting theme crops up.

    I’m tempted to rail against the Transformers franchise, so take this onboard – the CGI wank-fest, waste of bandwidth had two redeeming features:


    Bernie Mac

    Bernie Mac

    And this:

    So tragic that this is a redeeming feature...

    So tragic that this is a redeeming feature…

    LootCrate – first impressions April 2014

    •May 2, 2014 • Leave a Comment

    As I have more than a passing interest in gaming and geek culture I took the plunge and signed up for Loot Crate.
    Looking over previous crates it would appear that $30 a month may well yield some fun items, so repeat after me the Loot Crate mantra of ‘document/share/enjoy‘ and I’ll get started.

    In the words of detective Mills from se7en when faced with John Doe’s last act, what’s in the box?


    Well, all in all, a shit load of disappointment, my $30 produced the following in my mailbox:

    • Elder Scrolls Nord plastic figure
    • Game of Thrones random mini figure
    • d20 stress ball
    • d20
    • Dragon Jerky
    • Dragon Slayer dog tags
    • Dragon Shield screen-wipe

    Elder Scrolls Online plastic Nord figure.
    A Nord? Fantastic – a really shitty looking cartoony Nord. Of all the possible ES creations we get a Nord; which quite frankly is stretching the dragon theme.

    Ugh. Shite Nord figure

    The really poor Nord figure.

    Verdict? In the bin.

    Game of Thrones mini plastic figure.
    Not too bad, but I end up with a dire wolf out of the 22 really good looking figures. I suppose it’s a 1 in 24 chance of getting something decent and I was unlucky.

    Look! 22 decent figures out of 24.

    Look! 22 decent figures out of 24.


    Bad luck! Your mystery figure was a dire wolf.

    Verdict? In the bin.

    D20 stress ball.
    It’s a reasonable novelty item and my cats like to chase it.

    Two d20s. One for cats and one to choke infants with.

    Two d20s. One for cats and one to choke infants with.

    Verdict? The cats can have it.

    Yes a d20. I wasn’t expecting duplication, especially as the dragon theme is a bit tenuous with both d20 items.
    Verdict? In the bin.

    Dragon jerky.
    Oh delightful, processed meat products. Astonishing that it made through Customs at Melbourne, considering how strict they are about foreign meat products.

    Dragon Jerky - patiently waiting to be thrown in the bin.

    Dragon Jerky – patiently waiting to be thrown in the bin.

    Verdict? In the bin.

    Dog Tags. Yes, they really are as shot as they look.

    Just horrible….

    Dragon Slayer dog tags.
    Just really cheap and nasty with absolutely no redeemable features. Total crap.
    Verdict? In the bin.

    Dragon shield screen-wipe.
    Yeah, sticks to the back of your phone and peel off to use. Not exactly convienient and hardly compliments my Alex Grey case.

    Dragon shied screen-wipe. Really add to 'Oversoul' don't you think?

    Dragon shield screen-wipe. Really adds to ‘Oversoul’ don’t you think?

    Verdict? In the bin.

    $30 bought me a cat toy?
    Shame on you LootCrate, I’ll give you two more chances to redeem yourself and then we’re done.

    The Dark Knight Rises [Spoilers for your health]

    •July 28, 2012 • Leave a Comment

    Am I going to try and make light of the Dark Knight Rises shooting?
    Nah, just a quick statement of facts…
    According to news reports, among the hospitalised there was a four month old baby.

    All I’m going to say that if a gunman hadn’t run amok, I can guarantee the movie would still have been ruined at some point, by the selfish actions of Colorado’s parents of the year.

    Who in their right mind brings a fucking baby to a loud action movie? It’s not as if the sound of cinematic gunfire is known to soothe an infant to sleep is it?

    The Dark Knight Rises weighs in at almost 3 hours with a fair few action packed set pieces, I’m guessing the doting parents were just hoping their offspring wasn’t going to wake up and scream the place down and disturb everyone in the near vicinity.

    Seriously folks, get a bloody babysitter or don’t go to the cinema. It’s as simple as that.

    No sitter? Tough shit – wait for the bluray or grab a sleazy torrent.

    Oh and if you hadn’t been selfish fucks, guess what? Your baby wouldn’t be in hospital.

    Lesson over.

    If you want an utterly inappropriate t-shirt with the above image, I suggest you get your arse over to T-Shirt Hell before they get removed due to some handwringing public outcry!


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